The road from home

I’m home, and I did not plan to be here. All the same it’s nice to be in a familiar sunbeam as it peaks through the window. Bowie is lying on the floor idly staring out at nothing in particular because he’s a dog, and because he doesn’t need any further reason. Frankly, he can do what he wants, he’s earned it. Today is Monday. We were supposed to be in Philly yesterday, and New Jersey tonight, but we’re here, at home on our couch. Watching Parks and Rec reruns — the one with the Pawnee unity concert where Jeff Tweedy fronts a fake band called Land Ho! — and catching up to ourselves.

The tour was great. The launch in Toronto at Another Story Books with my dear friend and Commotion on CBC host Elamin Abdelmahmoud was perfect. Lysh and I loaded ourselves into a rental car, drove south-ish, anxiously crossed the border (with no issue) and after some sightseeing and city exploration – where we saw a rolodex with the Beastie Boys phone number in it at the New Yorker exhibition at the New York Public Library and I tried Dunkin Donuts for the first time – the book promo work found form and lumbered through the days.

I was on All Of It on WNYC, which was a goddamn delight, although I was very worried about swearing the entire time because they warned me not to. I think I look like someone who swears a lot, which is a fair assessment. I sat down with the great Maris Kreizman at Rough Trade Below, a record store in the basement level of 30 Rockefeller Plaza and took photos of all the things I recognized from the intro of 30 Rock and texted them to my sister. She said "ha, just like 30 Rock" in response because she was busy with real life things. We taught an uber driver with a brand new, indecipherable tattoo what a memoir is en route to my chat with the lovely and talented Luke O’Neil at the Harvard Book Store in Cambridge. I Signed books at Hive Mind, Books are Magic, Rough Trade, Harvard Book Store, and Porter Square Books.

So many lovely people came out, said hi, asked great questions. Told me they also really liked The Wallflowers. In Cambridge, the first person in the line to get their book signed asked if I would sign the chapter with their favourite song, which led to the rest of the line frantically flipping through trying to find their own favourite before they got to me. This is now my new preferred way to sign books.

We had a lull between dates, and wanted to come home to check on Bowie (who had been a little unwell when we left, but has since bounced back) but as we arrived back the stress of being on the road and the anxiety of being in America right now — hard to be a trans outsider in a country that has loudly declared their open disdain of us — amongst other things proved too much. It was clear being on the road was hard on Lysh's mental health. She was having to be vigilant not just for her own safety but also for mine, and coupled with a lot of other external factors the weight of it all became abundantly clear. Truth be told, it was hard on me to be on the road as well despite the fun and thrill of it all, and it was harder still to see how much it had weighed on Lysh.

I made the hard call to postpone the next few events.

I’m still scheduled to be in Washington, DC at the end of the month, and then California in June. I’m doing my best to make those dates happen, but I can’t say anything is certain right now. Above all else, my priority is my home and the people I love within it. I hope to make these next few, and I will update people as we get closer to them. Thanks everyone who came out, has posted about the book, told someone to read it. Listened to the audiobook. Emailed me about their favourite songs. A few folks have sent me playlists they made based on reading the book and it’s been fun to see what songs get conjured up in peoples hearts as they move through the book. I appreciate you all greatly, it really helps weather the alarming storm of highs and lows that is the post-release emotional hurricane.

You can read excerpts from the book online as well, at The Walrus, Defector, and Hell World.

I guested on some podcasts lately, including 60 Songs That Explain the 90s, You Are Good, and Song vs Song. And as always, you can listen to The OC, Again, the OC rewatch podcast I co-host with my friend Alex Steed.

I’ll be getting back into regular newsletters this week, more on that soon. More everything soon. Until then I will stare idly at nothing for a day or two, because sometimes all I can do is nothing, and sometimes I don't need a better reason than that.